Wizarding Telemarketers
by zorgon28
Summary: The summer before Harry's 3rd year, Ron made the well-known disastrous phone call. But what if Hermione, instead of not calling, tried a different tactic instead? Just a little plot bunny that I got the other day. Not written to be Harmony, but could be I guess if you squint. Might be a multi-chap. :3 R&R


**Hey guys! I came up with this idea the other day, and I had to write it down! I'm willing to make more chapters for this, and suggestions for this story are totally welcome!**

**Disclaimer: All the characters in this story belong to JKR, I just own the plot. :3**

It was hot. Too hot to think. Or at least, it was far too hot for an English summer, and everyone was sweltering. Harry, for one, enjoyed the peaceful silence it brought. Uncle Vernon refused install air conditioning, saying it was far too expensive. So Aunt Petunia was constantly taking Dudley and Aunt Marge, much to his relief, out to the local mall, since it was air conditioned. This meant that Harry had the house to himself for several hours almost every day of the week. With England's weather, the heat was not bound to last, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

On this specific day that hot week, Aunt Petunia was shopping for Dudley's 'back to school' clothes, and Aunt Marge insisted on 'helping'. Harry decided to not point out that sales hadn't even begun yet. They would probably still be out for several more hours.

Harry started. The phone was ringing. _Probably one of Aunt Petunia's friends,_ Harry thought. He picked up the phone tentatively.

"Er... Hullo? This is... The Dursley's landline. Who is this?" Harry didn't what to outright say who was on the phone; most of the time he was either at Hogwarts or hidden away upstairs, so most of Aunt Petunia's friends didn't know him.

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"This is... Marilyn Mugwump," said a rather official sounding voice. "Is Harry Potter there? I need to talk to him about...a very important matter."

Harry started. He was fairly sure he had never heard of any such person from Aunt Petunia, nor Uncle Vernon. And any wizard he knew would obviously just owl him. There was no one he could think of that would want to talk directly to him.

"...I'm Harry."

"Oh!" The voice was no longer official-sounding. "Harry! Sorry, it's Hermione. I just couldn't tell who picked up the phone, and after that whole disaster with Ron, I-"

"Hermione!" Harry interrupted. "Blimey, it's great to hear from you! My aunt took my cousin and my uncle's sister out of the house because it's too hot. My uncle refuses to get air conditioning, so she's been basically living at the mall the past week. My uncle is at work, obviously. Marilyn Mugwump?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Hermione said. Harry practically hear her smile through the line. "I was under pressure! I hadn't completely thought it through."

"Hermione Granger didn't plan? The world must be ending!"

"Shut up Harry."

Harry grinned. "What important business would 'Marilyn Mugwump' need to discuss with me anyway? I mean, I'll have you know, my Uncle or Aunt would have pressed for details."

There was a pause on the other end. Finally, Hermione replied, "I dunno, a wizard telemarketer? Who knows, maybe there are some."

Harry burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh; he hadn't laughed a real laugh since he left Hogwarts. "And why would they need telemarketers for? Most wizards don't even have phones!" Harry said, still chuckling.

"Well, the same reason there are muggle telemarketers; it's harder to get people to hang up when you can guilt trip them into listening to you. Besides, your Aunt and Uncle don't know that most wizards don't own phones."

"You don't know that," Harry laughed, though it was true. "What've you been doing the past few weeks?"

"I'm in France right now, like I said in my letter. It's so fascinating! Mum and dad are going mad because I spend so much extra time learning about the local magical history. Do you like the present I got you? I wasn't sure, but you're so hard to get presents for, so I reckoned it was my best shot at getting you something you'd like. I thought about getting you a book, but then I thought that you wouldn't want one, so I decided against it."

"It's brilliant Hermione! Honestly, I don't know how I'd survive without it, with my Aunt Marge around. Well, she's not actually my aunt, but they make me call her that anyway. She's horrid. I don't know how I've survived a week with her," Harry said, though he was still grinning. Ron might be his best mate, but Hermione was his friend too. It was fantastic, finally talking to someone he liked for a change. "Have you heard from Ron?"

"Not since your birthday," she replied, "But Ron's not very good at staying in touch. With me at least. Do you know if you can stay at the burrow the last week of school?"

Harry blinked. He totally forgot to ask Uncle Vernon if he could stay with the Weasleys the last week of vacation.

"Oh, er..." He trailed off. "Hold on second, Hermione. I thought I heard something." He had heard something, outside the house. It might be Aunt Petunia, home early. He carefully set down the receiver next to the phone, and peeked out the window. Uncle Vernon's car was sitting in the driveway, with his Uncle striding up the driveway. He quickly grabbed the receiver.

"I've got to go Hermione! My Uncle's home early!" But before he could put the phone back in its cradle, his uncle came through the door. Thinking quickly, Harry pretended to look confused.

"Sorry sir, but we don't need, er, a new fridge. Goodbye." He heard Hermione giggling on the other end before he slammed the receiver down. Uncle Vernon was looking at him expectantly, his face turning a peculiar shade of puce.

"Well?" Uncle Vernon bellowed. "What was that? And where's your Aunt with Marge?"

"Telemarketer, sir," Harry said quickly. "And she and Aunt Marge took Dudley school shopping."

Uncle Vernon looked at him suspiciously, but let it go.

"Well," he grumbled, "I hope dinner's on the table in time." He then waddled out of the sitting room. Harry let out a sigh of relief, and headed up towards his room. _Well,_ Harry thought, _Might as well go over the handbook again. I've got time. Probably. _

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**Well, what do you think? Loved it, hated it? Leave a comment below if you have constructive criticism or if you liked it! I'm totally open for suggestions for future chaps. I also have a couple Percy Jackson fics if you're a demigod as well as Potterhead! Please, no flames! R&amp;R**


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